Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
