too bad you live with your parents still
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize