i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
