Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
