he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
