Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he shaved USA in his pubs
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
