dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
