I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
