you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
