6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
and you fell through a lawn chair
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Shame - the story of my life.
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