70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize