if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
