goodnight i made you a song goodbye
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
