i think i scared a bird with my dick
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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