How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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