i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
