You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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