He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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