You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
