Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
