do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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