return my video game
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
