i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
