I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I am available for nakedness
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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