you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
