So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
