so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
