That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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