my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
