i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
