dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
