last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
