I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
