Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
