Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
