I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
