my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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