I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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