My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
