I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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