and you said cock pushups were impossible
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
