it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
