It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
