Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
