3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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