You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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