Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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