Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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