I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She's the barista slut.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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