He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
