I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
