bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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