i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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