It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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