nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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