I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
