This dress was meant to end up on your floor
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
