"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
