So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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