Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My hand turned me down
You can't motorboat a personality
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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