I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
