Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
