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Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
