Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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