Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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