In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
foreskin is a definite game changer
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
