tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
