Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
