this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i will never coherently bang her
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
