The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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