He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
