Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
