I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
