I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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