people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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