so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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