what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
